Ghost Self

Sometimes I feel like a ghost.

Wondering around in familiar places, but I feel like I don’t really exist in the moment. As if I have little to no control over the flow of my time? Witnessing a sequence of events passing before my eyes. And the actions I do, I sometimes feel like I didn’t have full grasp on them?

I happen to realize that some days I’m on autopilot mode; doing minimal effort to pass my days. It’s comfortable and numbing –I presume-. This autopilot mode helps me to avoid thinking about every little detail, decision and action through daily life, and makes me nod to verify opinions I totally disagree with yet I am too weary to argue. It makes life so uneventful and grey.

In times like these, I know my conscious is asleep inside of me.

I come to hate these times when my conscious finally wakes up and I comprehend how lifeless I have been. I was a moving hologram of a former self, soulless and hollow like a ghost. I wasn’t there living my life and I was weaker than the gush of habitual days, I gave in and had no control.